Develop the Strength to Do Bold Things, Not the Strength to Suffer
Why Endurance Alone Is a Trap
Think about the last time you were proud of yourself for “toughing it out.” Maybe you stayed late at a job you hate, endured a friendship that drains you, or pushed through another year of a relationship that’s been broken for months. You told yourself you were being strong.
But here’s the uncomfortable question: Were you actually being strong, or were you just being afraid?
Niccolò Machiavelli, the 16th-century philosopher who gave us The Prince, drew a sharp line between two kinds of strength. One is the ability to take bold, decisive action—to change your circumstances, seize opportunities, and confront problems head-on. The other is the grim ability to endure suffering without complaint.
His insight, which has echoed through centuries of psychology, leadership, and personal development, is this: The strength to suffer is a trap. The strength to act boldly is freedom.
By the end of this article, you’ll understand the difference between these two kinds of strength, why we’re culturally addicted to the wrong one, and exactly how to start building the courage to do bold things instead of just surviving bad ones.
The Basics: Two Kinds of Strength
Imagine two people in the same bad job.
Person A wakes up every morning, sighs, and says, “I just have to get through it. I’m tough. I can handle this.” They endure the bad boss, the low pay, the soul-crushing boredom. They’re proud of their resilience. They’re suffering—and they’re good at it.
Person B looks at the same situation and asks, “What bold move could change this?” They update their resume. They have an uncomfortable conversation with their boss. They start a side project. They quit and take a risk.
Which one is actually stronger?
Machiavelli’s answer is clear: Person B. Person A isn’t strong—they’re stuck. They’ve mistaken endurance for strength, when really, they’ve just become comfortable with pain.
Key Terms to Understand
Virtù (pronounced veer-TOO): In Machiavellian philosophy, this isn’t “virtue” in the moral sense. It’s the human quality of force, skill, and decisive action—the ability to shape your own fate rather than letting life happen to you.
Fortune (Fortuna): The unpredictable chaos of life. Bad luck, unexpected events, circumstances beyond your control. Machiavelli believed fortune favors the bold—that people who act decisively can bend luck in their favor.
Active vs. Passive Resilience: Active resilience is the strength to change the game. Passive resilience is the strength to tolerate the game as it is. One leads to growth. The other leads to burnout.
How It Works: The Mechanism of Boldness
Understanding why we choose suffering over action requires looking at how our brains are wired—and how Machiavelli’s ancient insight maps perfectly onto modern psychology.
Step 1: The Status Quo Bias
In 1988, researchers William Samuelson and Richard Zeckhauser identified a cognitive bias that explains why we stick with bad situations: the status quo bias. Humans prefer the current state of affairs, even if it’s painful, because change feels risky. We overestimate the dangers of action and underestimate the costs of inaction.
Think about it: When you’re in a bad job, quitting feels terrifying. But staying for another year of misery? That feels “safe.” The status quo bias tricks you into thinking endurance is wisdom.
Step 2: Learned Helplessness
Psychologist Martin Seligman’s famous 1967 experiments on learned helplessness showed something profound: When animals (and humans) repeatedly experience negative outcomes they can’t control, they stop trying—even when escape becomes possible.
This is the “strength to suffer” in action. You’ve been shocked by life enough times that you’ve learned to just take it. You’ve forgotten you can leave.
Step 3: The Boldness Loop
Here’s where Machiavelli’s insight creates a virtuous cycle:
- You identify a situation where you’re suffering passively.
- You take a calculated bold action (not reckless—calculated).
- The action works (or teaches you something valuable even if it fails).
- Your brain rewires. You learn that action is safer than inaction.
- Next time, boldness comes more easily.
This is the exact opposite of learned helplessness. Every bold move builds the muscle for the next one.
A Simple Framework: The 10/10/10 Test
Before a bold move, ask yourself three questions:
| Timeframe | Question |
|———–|———-|
| 10 minutes from now | Will I feel embarrassed? Uncomfortable? |
| 10 months from now | Will I be glad I acted? Or will I regret the inaction? |
| 10 years from now | What will I wish I had done? |
This test, popularized by journalist Suzy Welch, helps separate the temporary discomfort of bold action from the permanent pain of a life spent suffering.
Why It Matters: The Real Cost of Endurance
The “strength to suffer” isn’t just a philosophical mistake—it has measurable consequences.
The Regret Gap
Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman’s research on regret shows a consistent pattern: In the long term, people regret inaction far more than action. We don’t look back and say, “I wish I hadn’t tried that risky thing.” We look back and say, “I wish I had taken the chance.”
By choosing to suffer instead of act, you’re signing up for a lifetime of regret.
The Burnout Crisis
The modern workplace is full of people who are “strong” enough to endure overwork, toxic cultures, and meaningless tasks. This isn’t strength—it’s a recipe for burnout. The World Health Organization classified burnout as an occupational phenomenon in 2019, and it’s driven largely by people who keep suffering instead of making bold moves to change their circumstances.
The Opportunity Cost
Every moment you spend suffering through a bad situation is a moment you’re not spending building a better one. The strength to endure comes at the cost of the strength to create.
Common Misconceptions
Let’s clear up a few things that people get wrong about this idea.
Myth 1: “Boldness means being reckless.”
Reality: Machiavelli praised calculated boldness. He admired Cesare Borgia not because he was aggressive, but because he was strategic. Boldness without a plan is stupidity. Boldness with a plan is wisdom.
Myth 2: “Suffering is sometimes necessary, so this advice is useless.”
Reality: The key question is purpose. Are you suffering as a default state (enduring a bad job because you’re afraid to quit)? Or are you suffering as a strategic cost (enduring the discomfort of a difficult conversation to fix a relationship)? The goal is to minimize the first kind and use the second kind intentionally.
Myth 3: “This is just toxic positivity.”
Reality: Toxic positivity denies the reality of pain. Machiavelli’s approach acknowledges the pain but insists that the solution is action, not acceptance. You don’t pretend the bad situation doesn’t exist—you change it.
Myth 4: “Patience and suffering are the same thing.”
Reality: Patience is waiting for the right moment to act. Suffering is waiting because you’re afraid to act. If there’s an action you could take to improve your situation and you’re not taking it, you’re not being patient—you’re suffering.
Myth 5: “Some people just can’t be bold. It’s not in their nature.”
Reality: Boldness is a skill, not a personality trait. It can be learned, practiced, and strengthened. The research on neuroplasticity shows that our brains can rewire themselves through repeated behavior. You can build the boldness muscle.
Practical Implications: How to Build Bold Strength
Here’s how to start shifting from the strength to suffer to the strength to act.
1. Find Your “One Bold Move”
Identify one area of your life where you’re suffering passively. Ask: “What is the one bold, uncomfortable action I could take to change this?” It might be:
- Asking for a raise
- Ending a draining friendship
- Starting a difficult project
- Setting a firm boundary with a family member
- Quitting a job you hate
Pick one. Do it this week.
2. Reframe Your Definition of Strength
When you feel proud of “toughing it out,” stop and ask: “Am I being strong, or am I just comfortable with familiar pain?” True strength might be the vulnerability of asking for help or the courage of quitting.
3. Practice “Small Bolds”
You don’t have to start with quitting your job. Build the muscle with small daily risks:
- Speak up in a meeting when you’d normally stay silent
- Say “no” to a request you’d normally accept
- Try a new hobby you’ve been afraid to attempt
- Have the uncomfortable conversation you’ve been avoiding
4. Use Fear-Setting
Popularized by Tim Ferriss, fear-setting is the opposite of suffering. Instead of avoiding the fear of action, you write it down:
- What’s the worst that could happen? (Be specific.)
- How could I recover if it fails?
- What’s the cost of inaction? (In 6 months? 5 years? 10 years?)
Almost always, the cost of inaction is higher than the risk of action.
Frequently Asked Questions
Isn’t suffering sometimes necessary?
Yes, but the distinction is purpose. Suffering as a default state (enduring a bad job because you’re afraid to quit) is the trap. Suffering as a strategic cost (enduring the discomfort of a difficult conversation to fix a relationship) is sometimes necessary. The goal is to minimize the first kind.
How do I know if I’m “suffering” vs. “being patient”?
Ask: Is there an action I could take to change this situation? If yes, and you’re not taking it out of fear, you’re suffering. If no action is available (like grieving a loss), patience is wisdom.
Does this mean I should never endure hardship?
No. Endurance is a tool, not a lifestyle. Use it strategically for short-term challenges. But don’t make endurance your identity. If you’re proud of how much you can take, you might be missing how much you could change.
What if my bold action fails?
Then you learn something. The research on regret shows that failed actions cause less long-term pain than inactions. A failed bold move teaches you what doesn’t work. A life of suffering teaches you nothing except how to suffer.
Is this just an excuse to be selfish?
No. Boldness can be used for good. Speaking up for someone else, leaving a toxic situation to be a better parent, or starting a project that helps others—these are bold actions that serve more than just yourself.
Conclusion
Machiavelli’s insight cuts through centuries of advice about “toughing it out” and “grinding through.” He saw what we’re still learning: The strength to suffer is overrated. The strength to act is underrated.
Every day, you choose between two kinds of strength. One keeps you stuck, comfortable in your pain, proud of your endurance. The other asks you to be uncomfortable for a moment so you can be free for a lifetime.
Choose the second kind. Build the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer. Your future self—the one who won’t look back with regret—is counting on it.
Sources:
- Machiavelli, Niccolò. The Prince (1513). Chapter 25: “What Fortune Can Effect in Human Affairs, and How She May Be Withstood.”
- Machiavelli, Niccolò. Discourses on Livy (1531).
- Kahneman, Daniel. Thinking, Fast and Slow (2011).
- Samuelson, William, and Richard Zeckhauser. “Status Quo Bias in Decision Making.” Journal of Risk and Uncertainty (1988).
- Seligman, Martin E. P. Learned Optimism (1991).
- Taleb, Nassim Nicholas. Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder (2012).
This article is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional advice, including mental health counseling or career coaching. If you are in a harmful situation, please seek appropriate professional support.
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